According to a survey conducted In 2010, 60% of 18 to 34 year olds claimed they often felt lonely. Recently in 2018, another survey found that 46% of the entire US population felt lonely on a regular basis. Being human, we yearn for company and social connection with the people we live around. It is the feeling of being included and wanted in a group of people. Without social contact, we feel lonely.
Even though technology is the most developed and advanced it has ever been, allowing us to conveniently reach out to our loved ones and others, an number astonishing people all over the world still feel lonely, isolated, and/or disconnected. But what does it mean to be lonely, to experience loneliness? What happens when we feel lonely? Why do we feel it? What can it lead to? And how can we get rid of it?
What is loneliness?
Simply defined, loneliness, also known as social isolation, is the emotion of being socially detached and empty. It is the feeling of being excluded and unneeded around others. The human tendency when we are faced with loneliness is to crave social interactions as a way of getting rid of it. Though some types of people are more likely to be affected, such as teenagers and the elderly, anyone can become lonely. No matter your age or personality, if under the required circumstances, absolutely anyone can experience loneliness.
What people might confuse loneliness with is solitude, the state of being alone. There are differences between the two. The presence of one emotion does not necessarily mean the presence of the other as well. Put into perspective, you can feel isolated while being in a room full of people and you can be enjoying every second of being alone. You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. In today’s world, being alone is more of a choice while loneliness is not. Additionally, others are less able to recognize loneliness than solitude.
On the more scientific side of loneliness, it is in our biology. As social mammals, we depend on the company of others as support and protection. In prehistoric times, our brains believed loneliness was a sign you are less likely to survive. It believed being surrounded and socially connected with others increased our chances of survival. It still does and so, it is the reason for our loneliness today. When we feel lonely, activity in the areas of our brain that process pain increases which, in a way, means that part of loneliness is physical pain as well.
What are the effects of loneliness?
As already stated, being lonely makes you desire greatly for social contact. It is an instinctive response as well as a solution. But facing loneliness has adverse effects that cause you to hold yourself back from getting rid of loneliness and using that instinctive solution. Being one of the most unhealthy emotions it is, social isolation affects both your physical and mental health negatively in numerous ways.
Loneliness substantially weakens your immune system which allows for other illnesses and disease to easily affect you. You age quicker and are susceptible to physical conditions including arthritis, cardiovascular disease, and diabetes. It can interrupt your sleep or even give you insomnia. Due to the increased brain activity, you face much more stress. The chance of developing Alzheimer’s disease also doubles for people who feel lonely.
Loneliness itself is not a mental health problem, but rather a state of mind. However, one can be the cause for the other. If you are mentally ill, you may face stigma, which could lead you to experience loneliness. If you are lonely and are not doing anything about it, it could make you mentally ill. It can cause you to have social anxiety, or social phobia, low self-esteem, or even depression. And when it comes to depression, suicide could also be a problem. There are many mental illnesses that could be caused by loneliness. It is not something that you should neglect.
How can loneliness affect my behavior?
The long-term effects that social isolation have on your cognitive and psychological behavior are detrimental and are those that prevent you from getting rid of loneliness. When loneliness persists for a long time, you become socially sensitive. Due to having not experienced close and social contact for a very long time, you understand people less, can become paranoid, interpret the actions and behaviors of others in ways that are incorrect, you may feel scared because of social anxiety, and you may make assumptions that are not true– usually negative ones about others. This can lead to selfishness which worsens your condition even more.
As you become selfish, you also become unfriendly and socially awkward. You focus more on the bad of others and may develop a certain view of them. Not only that, you may also have negative thoughts of yourself because of the way you assume most people see you. This paves way for antisocial behavior and fear of social interactions, both of which also worsens your condition of loneliness. Loneliness can become chronic and the longer it stays untreated, the worse it becomes as you start to cut people out of your life, become mentally ill, and fear people even more. So how do you get rid of and treat this unhealthy emotion?
What causes you to be lonely?
Like in solving most problems, it is important to look for and identify the cause. The factors that contribute to the growth of loneliness in people’s well-being can vary from person to person, especially in age. Loneliness can be caused by many things. In teenagers, it can be caused by moving to a new school or a new city, or losing a family member. In adults, it can be living alone for a very long time, ending a relationship, working far from home, or even just too much work. Keep in mind that the experience of loneliness is completely individual and personal, so no one is able to identify it better than you are.
How do you treat loneliness?
It can be handy to remember that loneliness is a universal human emotion when trying to treat it. It is normal for people to feel lonely from time to time. Everybody experiences loneliness. It could help to just get yourself used to feeling lonely. However, if loneliness becomes chronic and it starts to have adverse effects on you, it does not help to ignore. The effects may not be harmful at first, but overtime, your condition can worsen and become damaging to both your mental and physical health.
When it comes to treating and getting rid of loneliness, it can be daunting. It can take a very long time and a lot of effort. If you know someone who you think or know is lonely, it would be of great value if you could help them. The most important part is to connect, socialize, and spend more time with other people than alone, all while trying not to make negative assumptions about others. It is also crucial to identify the negative effects loneliness has on you and act in accordance to your needs. It could help to join small public events, to meet new people, and start new friendships. When doing so, be optimistic and expect the best out of situations because it could help you feel better. If you need, do not be afraid to seek professional help. It never hurts to look for help. There are many ways to get rid of loneliness and different people treat it differently. You just need to figure out what your needs are and then go from there.
References:
Blanco-Suarez , Elena. “The Neuroscience of Loneliness.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 19 Dec. 2017, www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/brain-chemistry/201712/the-neuroscience-loneliness
Cherry, Kendra. “The Health Consequences of Loneliness.” Verywell Mind, Verywell Mind, 9 Dec. 2019, www.verywellmind.com/loneliness-causes-effects-and-treatments-2795749
Kurzgesagt. “Loneliness.” YouTube, YouTube, 17 Feb. 2019, www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3Xv_g3g-mA
“Loneliness.” Mind, the Mental Health Charity – Help for Mental Health Problems, July 2019, www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/#.XftnEWQvO03
“Loneliness.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/loneliness
Raypole, Crystal. “Chronic Loneliness: Causes, Symptoms, Treatments, and More.” Healthline, Healthline Media, 25 June 2019, www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/chronic-loneliness